On this day last year, at 3:53 p.m., the court entered the Final Judgment of Divorce in my case. It was a Monday, the first business day after the required minimum 30 day waiting period had passed since filing the divorce. But I didn't get notice that day.
I was still on a high from my trip to New York City, Bermuda, and DC which I had returned from on that Sunday. It was Tuesday morning. The office was mostly empty as it was still early. As I was settling in, I got an e-mail from my now ex-husband telling me the divorce was final and that I would probably be hearing from my attorney but if I needed a copy of it he could forward it to me. I don't think I ever responded to that e-mail.
I closed my office door, sunk to the ground, and cried. The moment is still vivid in my mind even today and it brings me to the one other time that is just as vivid many years ago where I collapsed on my kitchen floor in tears as he left for work the first time I thought it was over, except this time it really was over.
Then I picked myself up and colleagues started to arrive so I went and found supports. The day included a really nice lunch with several women. I wrote about that day here.
I remember once the initial emotions had run through me early that morning that I was just so pissed that he felt the need to be the one to tell me. I did get an e-mail from my attorney later that morning with copies of the documents. There was absolutely no reason he needed to be the one to disrupt my morning like that, absolutely no reason I needed to hear from him on that day.
So here I am today, a year later. And I have come so far. Seeing this date coming up on the calendar didn't leave me with any feelings of dread like I might have expected. I didn't even worry that the day would be hard like previous milestones had been.
I had needed to lean on friends for my wedding anniversary in June. And I was so thankful to my family for the support on our family trip on the ship where I was married. And July was overall a rough month with it being a year from when he called it quits and we started living separately in the same home. And then when September came to mark one year living on my own, I proactively made plans with friends although I think by that time it was more about wanting to celebrate with them vs needing to lean on them.
This milestone feels like a victory. I have made it through every single first year milestone, holiday, etc. And I have used this year to do more growth than I could have ever imagined possible. I have fallen back in love with myself. I have reclaimed my energy. Even amongst the sorrow, I have filled this year with more joy than I experienced in the over two decades I spent with my ex-husband. I have started building something so incredibly beautiful out of my life.
And I have not only gone inward to re-find the authentic woman I am but simultaneously I have let the world in to finally see me.
What a truly amazing year it has been! And I can't wait to see what I do with year two of this chapter.
But for now, I'm really looking to this evening. I've got a big date planned for myself - a nice dress, meaningful jewelry, photos using my tripod, dinner and drinks, a small journal to fit in my purse to do some writing, flowers and chocolate. The last milestones have been about the community I have built. This one is all about me.
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