And now I'm trying to decide if I'm brave enough to travel to Puerto Rico all on my own next December. I mean I know I am but as I think through all the specific details I have to draw upon my courage. Will I find the taxi stand at the airport? Will the third party excursion I book to El Yunque National Park to tour the rainforest and view some beautiful waterfalls meet my expectations? Will I enjoy the beach I pick for my hotel stay? Will the hotel help me obtain transportation to the cruise port or should I make arrangements ahead of time? Will the beach in Barbados remind me of my last visit there?
In therapy this past week, I talked about how travel plays a different role in my life now. After talking about how spontaneous my last trip was which was quite a contrast from previous trips, my therapist asked if all the time I invested in planning before was about trying to maintain control of the situation. And there probably was some truth to that. I'm not sure how much control I had in my marriage but I definitely had a lot of control in the plans I made for all our travels.
But I think now there's a hesitation to do the planning because I no longer have someone to help me implement the plan. And not that he actually was all that helpful but he was another presence that theoretically I could have turned to if we ran into issues. I don't know that we ever ran into anything that I couldn't handle myself but the lack of someone else standing next to me as a fall back is intimidating. For no good reason though!
It's funny how my confidence stumbles even in situations where I am perfectly capable.
Anyway, I didn't mean to go off on a tangent about my confidence. I truly am just enjoying this day. The weather, the dreams, the music, the slow pace - it is all quite glorious.
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