It's done. It's over.

On the first business day after the 30 day waiting period had passed, the Judge signed our judgment of divorce.  So as of late Monday, I am a divorced woman, although I didn't get the notice until yesterday morning.  

My ex-husband felt the need to be the first one to tell me with an e-mail early yesterday morning.  Why?  I don't know.  My attorney forwarded me the documents a few hours later and he acknowledged that he knew I would be hearing it from my attorney.

When I got that e-mail, I was at work and none of my close colleagues had arrived yet.  I will admit I closed my door, collapsed on the floor and cried it out.  I knew this day was coming but you never know you will truly feel when it happens.  The finality of it all was overwhelming along with the speed it had all happened.  

How someone can go from appearing to be happy and telling me how much he loves me to telling me he is done to filing for divorce to it all being final in less than 6 months after a 19 marriage is beyond anything I can comprehend.  Honestly, I think it is pretty messed up to be able to run away from a long-term marriage that quickly.

But then after I had cried, I picked myself up off the floor, wipe away my tears, and I went for a walk around my floor hoping to find a colleague to be near.  And I found one and then another and then another.  By 11:00 a.m. I had two offers for plans for lunch.  Before I went to bed that day, I had two offers from friends to hang out in the upcoming days.

And when I changed my name on Facebook and posted about the divorce being final, I got so much support over my name change with a quick offer to change my name on my choir cubby the next day at practice and suggestions to update my e-mail address (which has my married name).

There are so many amazing people in this world if you take the time to get to know them and connect with them.

I did a little something for myself too.  At lunch, I had bought two Swiss chard plants so after work I headed out shopping.  I purchased to window boxes, dirt, and more plants at Home Depot.  And I went to Ross Dress for Less and found four pairs of pants at reasonable prices that actually fit me (two work and two jeans) so now I have pants that won't fall down!  And I picked up some groceries including these amazing scones I'm having for breakfast now.

So after the blessings and emotional challenges of yesterday, I woke up today knowing I was divorced for the first time.  I paused a moment on my Facebook page to see that I really truly had changed my name.  I can't believe it is over.