Trust

The words on repeat in my mind these days are “I trusted you.”  “I trusted you when I now realize you didn’t deserve it.”

All he had to do at any point he was struggling in our relationship was speak up.  He didn’t have to solve the issue(s) on his own. He didn’t even have to ultimately stay married. He just had to communicate. But repeatedly he chose avoidance over the hard conversations that would have either created connection between us or set us each free.  Instead, he sat silently resenting me while he watched me pour so much energy into him.

That's the pain that still hurts today.

But on the bright side, I got to stomp in puddles and dance in the rain both last night and again today on the way home from work.  My smile was so big as I looked back at myself in the mirror in the bathroom and changed out of my dripping wet clothes.  The pure, unrestrained joy I'm finding in between the moments of pain is moving me forward to such greater things.