Rewind back to the Why's

I've made a lot of progress.  I thought I was past all the questions of why.  I thought I had accepted that I likely never would get the answers I seek.

But the photos of last year are bringing back all those questions.  I look at the ones from today that show the two of us on the beaches of Grand Turk with what appear to be genuine smiles on our faces.  And then I see the photo I took of a Mangrove Cuckoo, a bird we had never seen before and likely never will again as it is pretty uncommon.  It was an exciting find for both of us.  I'm going to include a photo I took of the bird because I want to remember the Mangrove Cuckoo.

There's such a disconnect from the memories of that trip and where we were at six weeks later when he told me he was questioning our relationship, and in hindsight, I believe his decision to leave had already been made.  He just took the next six weeks after that to find all my flaws to justify his decision in his mind before he finally told me he would be filing for divorce.

So what happened between April and late May?  Was it something during his work travels in Philadelphia or the week he spent in New Orleans?  What happened to cause him to just flip a switch?  

How can someone walk away from a two decades-long, serious relationship with so little communication and so many unanswered questions and be okay with themself?  How can someone do that to someone they claim to have loved and committed to?

Even with all the work I've done to move past it, I struggle with the significant number of unanswered questions.  Will I ever truly be okay with not knowing?