He was a good partner in so many ways.

So much of my processing lately has been on recognizing and trying to understand the things that went wrong that I couldn't fully see at the time.  But today I'm flooded with all the ways that we acted as a team, as partners, all the ways that we were so well aligned.

In two decades, we faced a lot together and handled it quite well.  I think about all of the job changes and moves we made.  We lived in ten different homes located in four different areas!  Sometimes it was navigating a job loss or a complete career change in addition to a move.  In one case, we took a huge financial hit with a condo that was underwater.

In thinking about the conversations we had, the decisions we made, and the physical work we did side by side that came with each move, I just can't imagine a better partner in it all.

And it continued with conversations we had, decisions we made, and work we did to fairly split our lives as we divorced last year.  We didn't even need attorneys to help us except make sure the documents were drafted accurately to reflect our agreement.

And it wasn't just in the big things like a job change or move, it was the every day - the routines we established, the ways we worked towards financial goals, the travel we did together whether it was a day trip or an international vacation, etc.

If we could have open, honest, transparent conversations and find so much alignment in facing the practicalities of life together, why was he so unwilling to have similar open, honest and transparent conversations about us?