My Transformation

It's so weird what I am going through - this transformation.  I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone.  I'm overturning ideas of who I thought I was.  I'm leaning into new experiences.  I'm separating out what was tied up in others' expectations of me vs what is aligned with my own expectations for myself.  And as I encouraged myself to do in a New Year's Day post on Threads, I'm bolding stepping into this year.  

So much of it doesn't make logical sense to me.  But it all feels so authentic and right.  And that contradiction makes it such a weird experience to be in the middle of as it is unfolding.

Today I participated in a hip hop cardio class at the park near my house.  I've never done a class like this.  I'm not particularly coordinated and I wasn't sure of how in shape I was.  But I went anyways.  I found myself a spot about two-thirds of the way back and towards one side - close enough to see what was going on but not enough to be in the spotlight.  It was a big crowd by the time the music started.  Some of the moves felt so awkward.  And I missed plenty of steps.  But I had so much fun!  

And I must have been doing something right because about half-way through the instructor looked my general direction and through her microphone yelled out the encouragement, "I see you pink shorts!"  I admit, I looked around to find the person in pink shorts only to realize it was me!  

A year ago, I would have been embarrassed to be signaled out like that.  I've always thought I'm quite introverted and thought I hated the spotlight.  But today, I just smiled and poured more energy into the dance moves.