One really important part of my journey of discovery (at least in my opinion) has been sorting through expectations that society and others (including my ex-husband) have (or had) of me vs expectations I have of myself. It is so easy to fall into a trap worrying about what others think of us that we lose sight of what we want of ourselves and what makes us each unique.
So it started with not shaving my armpits sometime last summer. My skin was always irritated by the razor and I suppose I got a bit of inspiration from young female, beautiful celebrities openly showing off their unshaven pits. I will admit that I got a bit self-conscious half-way through my cruise last October wearing formal wear and shaved them once.
But then when I got back home from that trip, I stopped shaving my legs too and haven't shaved since. When I was in college (and first met my ex-husband), I didn't shave my legs so this isn't a completely new thing to me. But it has been a lot of years! In the winter, it didn't show much except for my beach trips where I didn't care one bit what people thought but now it's shorts, sundresses, and tank tops season.
The range of emotions and thoughts I have gone through during this process has been a bit incredible. Self-consciousness, even a bit of embarrassment, experiencing new sensations, growing confidence, freedom, and even joy have played a role. To sit through these emotions and thoughts, listen to them, and lean into them has taught me so much about myself. It's made me feel more "me". It's helped me let go of that which is not serving me. It's put a smile on my face.
So I showed up at the Easter church service yesterday in one of my favorite knee-length, sleeveless pink sundresses with matching sandals and jewelry and hairy legs and armpits. I felt beautiful. And everyone complimented my sandals.
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