Finding peace in nature even on a day my brain feels so scattered

I woke up before 6 am this morning, got out of bed, got dressed by the light of the golden hour filtering in through the patio windows, grabbed my camera bag, and stepped out into the hall of my apartment complex, locking my door behind me.  And then I had a flashback.  My ex-husband and I cruised a lot together.  My favorite time of day was the early morning before anyone else was awake.  I would often set a silent alarm on my smartwatch, get dressed in the dark to avoid waking up my then husband, and sneak out onto deck to catch the sunrise, sometimes grabbing a cup of coffee from the cafe on the way.

Today felt a lot like that except there was no one to worry about waking up while I got ready and when I opened the door to the outside world, the salty air of the ocean didn't greet me.  I then spent over an hour sitting still with a pair of Green Herons and both an adult and an immature Yellow-crowned Night Heron.  The adult Yellow-crowned Night Heron hopped up to the platform where I sat to be eye-to-eye with me although he still kept his distance even as he expressed his curiosity.

I feel like there are lessons to be learned from every interaction I have with nature.  Today it was about quieting my mind, listening intently, and being present in the moment.  It was a break and a distraction from the self-focused questions that have been running through my mind about how someone who appeared to be happy one year ago as we traveled together could suddenly turn on me and discard me so quickly after.

This morning's time at the local park with my feathered friends served its purpose in the morning but I'm struggling to hang onto the effects of it more than normal.  My mind is just so scattered today.  I've tried to write several blog posts before this one only to abandon them.  Maybe I'll abandon this post too before publishing.  Or maybe it's okay to remember the beauty and connection of this morning and to also accept the moments of struggle that are scattering my mind on and off throughout the rest of the day.