It's 84℉ in my apartment with the breeze and sunshine filtering in through the open patio doors. Humidity is still low so I'm actually quite comfortable and I thrive off the fresh air and enjoy listening to the sounds of the world beyond me (even the train that is approaching now).
I had to set down my book and grab my laptop to write about this when I realized this was not something I ever got to experience while married. He hated the noise. He wasn't comfortable in the heat. And so we never opened the windows. The fan I took with me when we separated was one that had been so rarely used he looked at me strangely when I told him I wanted it.
And then I think about this morning waking up to the golden hour light filtering in through the huge windows in my apartment as it is my habit to leave the blinds open. It's such a pleasure to be able to enjoy that early morning light. And again, it is not something I ever got to experience while married as he installed blackout curtains that were always closed in our bedroom and he kept most of the other blinds closed even while we were awake. Now, the only time I ever close my blinds is on warm days while I'm at work to try and keep the sun from overheating my home while I am away.
I have enjoyed the quiet all day to focus on a good book with no TV playing in the background. It was always a battle to get him to turn it off even for a short time. You wouldn't believe the shock on his face when I made it very clear I did not want a TV. Even up until the last day before I moved out, he questioned whether I was sure I didn't want one. Seven months later, I haven't missed it at all. I have one series I still enjoy (through Hulu) and I'm so many weeks behind on it, if that gives you any idea of how low of a priority it is.
I'm also surprised by how much environmental issues matter to me and how much I can lean into them now that I'm on my own. There were always things I did before like minimize my daily driving - my kick scooter and feet get me most every day places and the switch to electric vehicles in the last year or two of our marriage. And when we owned a house, I maintained a compost bin that he hated but made great food for our gardens.
But I'm doing more and more. One of the first things I bought as I was setting up my new apartment was reusable zip lock bags and despite the way he rolled his eyes when I made that purchase as we were separating, I love them! And unless I'm already in my car for another purpose, all of my grocery shopping is to the local store I can walk to with my cart where I tell the bagger to skip the bags as they load the items directly back into my cart.
I've switched to bar shampoos, powder laundry soap, and am researching alternative deodorants that are natural and have less plastic. And the supply of paper towels he gave me when we separated is going to last my lifetime at my current pace - I'm not even halfway through my first roll! There still is plenty more I can and hope to do but I'm just relishing in the freedom I have to make those changes.
Anyways, I should get back to my book - it's really good and it sounds like a musician is warming up at the brewery across the street for a bit of entertainment before I head to a minor league ball game. I just wanted to write about the joy I realized in the freedom to make my own choices that better align with my values and establish routines that better fit me.
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