The quiet

I walked in the door of my apartment yesterday evening and was immediately met with quiet.  At first, it almost felt like an empty quiet.  And I suppose that is because it had been empty for a week and a half.  I had taken my life and energy with me on my trip.

It was a transition moment between what was for the past week and a half and the day to day of life I will get back to building.  I will admit that I just dropped my bags and sat with it for a moment.

At first it scared me.  I remembered a similar feeling after the last cruise that in that case was followed by processing the grief from the anniversary trip I went on without him, grief I hadn't had a chance to process in the moment because I was so surrounded by family.  So I was scared there was some unprocessed grief from this trip I wasn't aware of that would soon follow - the extreme lows that so often have followed the extreme highs over the past year and a half.

I eventually got up and mostly unpacked, tried to do some reading, and then went to bed early.  Now, here I am the next morning still thinking about the quiet.

I think this time it truly just is a transition moment.  Maybe they happened after every trip (and in other scenarios) but there was always noise to cover them up.  Also, maybe my transitions are bigger this year since my growth is so much bigger and so they are more noticeable.  It's understandable that may feel a bit unsettling at times.

Let's go see what I can bring from this trip into my daily life.  Time to head to work.