The one plus when I was married was that my ex-husband did his share and sometimes more of housework and so while I was sick I didn't have to worry about dishes or cleaning or any real cooking. I don't have that benefit now but I also don't have someone with a higher standard of cleaning living with me and so if the dishes sit for a few days, it doesn't matter, or if the laundry doesn't get done until the weekend, it doesn't matter. So maybe that's an even trade-off.
But what I think matters more is the energy in my apartment. There is no negativity. I don't have anyone's emotions to manage but my own. I don't have to worry about whether he will be disappointed if I don't stay up late enough with him so we can go to bed at the same time. I don't have to worry about being an inconvenience to him if I need something or respecting his need for distance as he fears catching whatever I have.
I just get to be, to sleep when I want, to eat what I want, to let my home get a little messy for the time being, to pour all my energy into my own healing.
And although it is hard to compare past illnesses to current ones, I feel like I heal faster. I feel like I give my immune system what it needs to recover. I really think the loss of that negative energy and stress along side the guilt-free sleep I now get make a world of a difference.
I do desperately need to grocery shop today so after I shower, I'm going to walk to the grocery store. The fresh air might do me good. But then I'm just going to enjoy a quiet day in reading and probably go to bed early again tonight.
Finally, someone is taking good care of me, and that person is me.
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