Imagining what today would have been like with my ex-husband by my side

They say "comparison is the thief of joy" and I agree that holds true in many, maybe even most circumstances.  But the comparisons I find myself making these days are between what I experienced in my marriage and what I experience now.  Those comparisons for me actually further highlight my joy because I find myself reveling in this newfound freedom to lean into it, maybe because I understand now the alternative.

I stepped out from the cruise terminal to a light rain which picked up a bit as I walked.  I had over a mile walk to my hotel.  At one point, I paused worried my backpack and camera bag each with electronics were getting too wet and pulled out the cheap poncho I had brought with.  I didn't use it to cover myself, I used it to cover my stuff.  And then I realized I stood in front of this beautiful Christmas tree surrounded by palm trees outside of Caesar's Casino so I paused a little longer as the rain continued to fall to admire the scene and take some photos.

I stopped again when I saw trolleys approaching in the distance to wait for them so I could admire them and snap a few photos and videos.

And through it all my smile got bigger and bigger as I was reminded of how differently this walk would have been with my ex-husband by my side.  He would have started complaining probably at breakfast as he saw it was a rainy day in New Orleans.  He would have focused all his efforts on making sure his body was protected from the rain, leaving me to worry about our stuff.  And he would have been so irritated if I had wanted to stop to admire a tree or a trolley or take a photo or video.  We would have rushed to the hotel instead the leisurely walk I enjoyed.

And then upon arriving at the hotel and finding out a room wasn't ready, he would have wanted to park himself in the hotel lobby and wait.  Now on my own, I instead had the hotel hold my luggage and headed back out in the rain and spent a full day out and about including a two hour jazz sightseeing cruise where I sat outside.  By the time I made it back to the hotel, my body was chilled to the bone and my feet were so sore I feared I couldn't take another step but I still had a big smile on my face because it had been such a great day and worth the chill and tired feet.

When you focus on the joy in the experience, the effort to get there becomes worth it.  I said something this week when I was chatting with one of my new friends that is another great example of this.  I don't particularly like the process of snorkeling - the breathing through a snorkel, the face in the salt water, etc. yet I find so much joy in the underwater world that the effort to snorkel becomes worth it.  But if I were to focus on the negative (or let my ex-husband's complaints about the negatives affect me), it would become harder to see that joy.

And now I don't have to filter out his negativity as I reach for the joy.  And that is so liberating.