Friday, May 23, 2025

His awkwardness

I went to Symphony in the Park tonight.  I got there about an hour ahead to stake out a spot since I knew it is always packed and then just people watched.  I was a bit surprised to see my ex-husband walk up the path and find a spot somewhere a ways behind me.  I always thought he went to things like this to appease me, not because he had his own interest in them.  And then as I was leaving, he passed by me as he hurried home.

What really struck me was his presence.  It was awkward and uncertain.  But it was also very familiar in a way that made me realize he had actually always been that way - I just don't think I had ever really focused on it.  His awkwardness was endearing when we first met and then it just became so familiar that I didn't think about it.

And then as I came to my apartment complex, I entered the gate into the pool area and walked past his patio.  I had assumed he was already in his apartment as he had been ahead of me and he has easy access to his unit from a door before you even get to the pool area.  But then as I approached the door I often use, he popped up as if he had been sitting on the steps to the garage across from that entrance.  He gave me an awkward half smile as our eyes met when I walked by but he didn't say a word.  It was so bizarre yet not really unexpected.  

I don't really feel any strong emotions from this interaction this evening.  It feels different than the previous times we have crossed paths.  It's really crazy to think about how few times we actually have crossed paths given the fact that we live in the same apartment building.  Since early November when we met one last time to finalize asset division, I think there have been only four instances where we came face to face - (1) the apartment lobby on the way to get the mail - February 22, (2) the local park on my way back from line dancing - April 4 - this was the emotional one where the look he gave me reminded me of an earlier time, (3) the baseball game - April 19, and (4) tonight on the way back from the symphony.

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