I listen to people around me express feelings of resentment, talk about grudges, hold on to negative feelings about people, talk about revenge, etc. and I've never understood it. It never made any sense to me why someone would waste energy on what I saw as such unproductive things. But that's because I don't view energy the same as others do. Others don't spend so much of their energy internally and so they feel more free to spend it elsewhere.
It also explains why I have so much more energy now. During my marriage, I had done the calculations and decided it was worth the consequence to devote so much of my energy on my ex. I thought the marriage was worth it. Now, that I don't have him to focus my energy on, I have so much more for myself and to give others as I choose.
I read something about fives and making commitments in relationships. If they feel 50% happy single, they aren't going to risk that for a relationship that might only keep them at that 50% because the reality is that is very possibly going to drop them down to 20%. But if they think a relationship will bump them up to 70%, they might commit. And for me, happiness is very directly tied to energy. When I have the energy to dive into what brings me the greatest joy, that is when I am the happiest.
My ex was really good in the infatuation stage. He was attentive. He poured into me. He listened to me. We had long, interesting conversations. He energized me. I proposed to him while we were still in this stage.
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