My thinking is like a spiral.

It's interesting how cyclical my thinking is although each time I come back to the same thought, it is more developed or comes with more nuance or clarity on the context.  So maybe it's more a spiral than a cycle.  I don't know if that is just common with grief or if that has more to do with how much thinking I do.

It came up in therapy last night that maybe I had outgrown him, that he had stayed the same immature twenty year old, while I grew and matured over the years.  And although I hadn't thought about it in a while, I knew a variation of that thought process had come up a number of times over the past 6+ months.

There was a conversation last October or November in my life group where I was sharing my story and one of my group members commented that he had changed.  My response was "or maybe I was the one to change".

And then I searched my blog because I thought I had reflected on it before and found this post from mid-January, Being Willing to Change and Grow.  

Often the changes occurring in ourselves and those we are in close relationship with happen so incrementally that we don't even notice them in the moment.  They happen because of an endless series of tiny decisions we make, decisions that seem so inconsequential in the moment that we don't even really pay attention to them.  It's not until years later, we look back on who we were through photos, memories, writings, reminiscing with loved ones, etc. that we see the growth (or lack of growth).  

And maybe those that never take the time to reflect on their growth never learn to appreciate how important it is to be intentional about the small things which is what likely fuels future growth.