My mindset when the separation/divorce was fresh was very focused on what I was losing. I was watching trips I had been dreamed about get cancelled. I was grieving that it would be hard to retire now when I had originally hoped to. I was sad to lose the spacious two-bedroom apartment that had been home. I was terrified that my salary wouldn't go far enough. I didn't want to lose the companionship my husband had provided or having someone to check in on me and make sure I was okay.
Let's compare that to my mindset today. I have since realized just how much of our resources went to his constant car purchases and so much other random stuff he and even we (I was part of it) thought we needed. And so my budget is actually manageable. And it is allowing me to save some money for the trips I originally thought I would never be able to afford on my own. It's also allowing me to focus on just my bucket list instead of compromising to fit in his dreams as well. So there are now trips that I'm adding to my list that are my initial priorities that I figured as a married woman were a long-shot.
As I picked out my next soap for the bathroom this afternoon, I also realized that I have created a space with only me in mind. It's free from the distraction of the TV. It has the added wanted distraction of the trains and the entertainment at the brewery across the street that he never would have enjoyed. The freezer is full of my stuff instead of always having to hold back to make room for his food. The windows get opened when I want them open to let the fresh air in.
And my schedule is full of new activities and new friends that I never would have ventured out to experience if the divorce wouldn't have happened. I'm not struggling with my weight as much as I used to. I have so more much energy. I've adjusted my sleep schedule to take advantage of the early morning hours my body so loves.
And I have my spunk back! And I'm surrounding myself with people who appreciate my spunk and have their own spunk.
I don't know that this was an overnight transformation but it was an overnight recognition of what has happened within me and it is incredibly positive!
Look out world! I have nothing stopping me now and I'm going to create a bright future.
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