Memories

My social media memories are reminding me that two years ago was our Hawaii trip.  We included his mom in the trip because it was a destination she had always wanted to go to.  We booked three nights in Honolulu and then took a 12 night cruise with more stops on the islands crossing the Pacific to Vancouver and then spent one more night in Vancouver before flying home.

Today's memory was a photo of the three of us at a luau which would have been at the end of our second full day in Hawaii.  I don't look happy in that photo.  I didn't realize my feelings about the trip were so evident on my face.

I remember the evening had started with a disagreement about leis.  We had spent more money to get the package that included a fresh flower orchard lei because that is what his mom really wanted - I don't think my ex-husband really wanted to spend that extra money but we did.  Then when we arrived, she asked for a shell lei (which would have been a cheaper package) instead of the orchard lei!  She ultimately took the flower lei after some encouragement by my ex-husband.  

I didn't participate in this disagreement.  It was only day two and I was already exhausted.  I had worked so hard to plan the trip and all our activities to match what his mom wanted to do and could do with her physical limitations, what my ex-husband really wanted to do, and squeeze in a few things for me.  And the end result was feeling like an exhausted third-wheel.

I know this isn't the first time I have written about this trip but the look on my face in that photo just added another layer to it.  And if I'm honest with myself, this should have been one gigantic red flag that he wasn't invested in the marriage or willing to prioritize me.  What kind of person takes advantage of his wife to plan a dream vacation that includes his mom and then doesn't appreciate her, stand up for her, or make a little time for her?