I feel really off today. Maybe it's because I'm not sleeping all that well - my racing mind keeps me up. Or maybe there was something triggering about today's sermon on the parable of the lost sheep - my eyes may have watered a bit towards the end. Or maybe it's hormones - my period's off, it's been a bit off since early last summer, probably the start of perimenopause - I should really schedule that visit with a gynecologist I've been putting off. Or maybe this sone of the moments where I just feel really alone.
Even putting on one of my new favorite dresses this morning didn't lift my mood.
I've been here before. This isn't the first day I've had where everything just feels off and I'm a bit depressed. And so I know it doesn't last and I know how to move through it.
I spent some time curled up on my bed under one of my Grandma's quilts with the fresh air blowing in as I listened to a really good audiobook, Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt. And I called my parents. Hearing their voices is always a comfort.
And when none of that quite did the trick, I fell back on a habit I have developed that has seen me through so much. I forced myself to put my shoes (sandals) on (this is the hardest part), stepped outside, and let my feet do the work. I walked the length of my favorite park and continued on a trail further where I founded deep purple bearded irises blooming and didn't stop until I made it to the butterfly table sculpture that always makes me pause and remember how interconnected we are to this entire world.
Then on my way back through my favorite park, I found someone seated on my therapy bench so I found a close enough substitute to sit and observe the world around me as I finished the poem I had started in my head.
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