His mom had always wanted to go to Hawaii so we made plans for this trip with her in mind. At first it was just going to be a round trip cruise out of San Diego with stops on several of the islands in the fall of 2020. A world-wide pandemic shut that one down.
Looking back, I see we took her on two more trips before we rescheduled the Hawaii one - a fifteen night cruise through the Panama Canal (which my parents joined us on too) and a short five-day Caribbean Cruise in a top suite. I wish that top suite experience had just been my ex-husband and I. It was especially weird being the third wheel in that scenario.
But back to the Hawaii trip, when we rebooked for spring of 2023, we decided on a one-way cruise from Hawaii to Vancouver because it would allow us time to explore Hawaii by land before the trip. I was the always the planner. I do enjoy it. And this trip's planning was extensive because of all we wanted to see and do and the combined land/sea aspect to it. And his mom has a lot of issues walking. She was supposed to get in the habit of regular walks at her condo complex which would have really helped her endurance but she didn't. She sat in front of the TV 24/7 instead. I remember being frustrated at how much that limited our options. And I'm not talking about expecting her to go on a hike. I'm talking about her being able to walk a block without having to sit on a bench for ten minutes half-way.
I can't even count how many hours I spent putting together just the right itinerary with all the details in place. A Luau was something she really wanted to do so I researched two great options that I thought would fit with her interests and abilities to give her some options. And I found an excursion that was easy but took us to a black sand beach and I balanced my ex-husband's love of Jurassic Park with her abilities to help find the right tour at the Kualoa Ranch. I found us a hotel in our price range that was close enough to food and the beach and had a car rental package. And then on the ship, I carefully picked the location of our cabins, made all our dining reservations, and coordinated everything through the moment we would land back home. If what I did for this trip wasn't a labor of love, I don't know what would be.
But when the trip came, it was a bit lonely. They sat in the car as I climbed the easy paved path to the lighthouse outside of Honolulu. They watched from the walkway as I walked the Waikiki Beach and dipped my toes in the Pacific Ocean the evening we arrived. They did their own thing as I went on a snorkeling excursion in Kona. I rode the night tender alone in Maui so I could see the ship by night and wander the shops one last time. They sat in rented chairs (the only two chair rentals left when we arrived) as I walked the beach in Maui alone. And I often enjoyed our loyalty breakfast alone as I watched the wake of the ship from that beautiful dining room. I wandered the Butchart Gardens alone as he and his mom stayed close to the entrance and I think spent most of the excursion sitting on a bench. Over the course of almost three weeks, I think the only real time alone I got with my husband was a sunrise hike at Diamond Head and an early morning snorkel with turtles (both while she slept in at the hotel) and a couple breakfasts over the 12 day cruise.
And then when we split last summer, my ex-husband had the gall to complain about me not being close enough to his mom. It was like a slap in the face after all the ways I supported his mom and his relationship with his mom (even beyond just these vacations) despite her being a very difficult person who regularly interfered in our marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment