Monday, March 10, 2025

I feel sad.

Improv was great tonight, although I'm a bit self-conscious about my performance as an expert in ancient Egypt - part of that was being paired with two very dynamic personalities - I struggle more being assertive enough in situations like that.  But my walk home from Improv didn't carry with me that joy from the class.  It was like a cloud descended over me as soon as I stepped out into the streets.

I miss....I don't know.  Companionship, maybe. Having someone who makes sure I get home safely, definitely.  Someone to talk about my day with, maybe.  Although, was he ever really that good of a listener?

Or maybe it's this upcoming trip in June.  I made the final payment for the first week of the trip on Friday and then spent some time on the phone with the cruise line today re-pricing to the sale price.  Final payment on the second week is due in a couple weeks.  This would have been a trip to celebrate our 20th anniversary.  In June, I'll be on the same ship where we got married approximately 20 years prior.

As I walked home after work, I was so confident, ready to take advantage of this opportunity to make new memories.  I was excited about the money I had saved and excited for this trip.  But now I don't feel so sure.  

Why did he push for this ship when we were planning this trip with my family if he had one foot out the door?  

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