I read a blog post from someone I know who is a really good writer about ripples in the water. She is a widow who lost her husband to dementia and that is a theme in a lot of her writing. This post focused on the ripples her husband left behind of all the people he touched in subtle ways who then carried that influence on. It was really a beautiful blog post.
It brought me back to a church service in August. I wrote about it here. A member of our congregation got up to give the prayer and talked about the people that influence us, encouraging us to reflect on those people. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I thought of my soon-to-be (at the time) ex-husband. The pain he caused didn't erase the influence he had on me.
So as I read this blog post today, I asked myself if it was too soon to start thinking about the ripples of my ex's influence. I think part of healing is taking the good with me and leaving the bad behind. I'm still angry. And sad. I've still got a long ways to go in this process. But I'm learning how to hold conflicting emotions at the same time. Maybe I don't have to fully let go of the anger before I start recognizing that which I should appreciate. Maybe those things can be happening at the same time.
Maybe I'm not there yet though. I think I have to let go of our potential first, a potential he is not capable of or interested in.
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