Loss of innocence

I think what actually bothers me the most about him dating again has little to do with him or how I feel about him. It’s that I know exactly how well he shows up at the beginning of a relationship, the whirlwind of attention, the behaviors fueled by dopamine.  And I can imagine exactly what he is saying to explain his divorce and how convincing it will come across to someone who doesn’t know him yet.

And if he can present that well in the beginning, if he can be that convincing, another potential partner can do the same.  I’ve lost this innocence such that if I ever date, I now consciously know I have to risk the infatuation stage to get to a point where I could start to truly get to know another and even then red flags may be mixed with a lot of convincing pretense.