He's someone else's problem now

I looked at his Instagram page recently.  There is a woman he is now following (who also follows him) who is local.  She is a member of the Are We Dating the Same Guy Facebook page.  And she recently changed her Facebook status to "in a relationship".  She looks like the woman I saw on his patio a few weeks ago and the woman who shows up in his recent Instagram reel of the weekend trip they took together.  

I assume they met about six weeks ago when I was on the cruise as that is when the post showed up in the Facebook group asking for red flags or information about him.

She is in a caregiving profession.  It looks like her two-year degree is from 2019, although I suspect there was a gap between high school and college.  One of her few public posts is from late April of this year and it is a meme that says "You glow differently, when no one's dusty ass, undiagnosed son is stressing you out."  So she may have a habit of attracting men that need fixing.

I know I shouldn't have let my curiosity send me down this rabbit hole.  I'm sure it is not healthy for me and my healing.  But it actually confirms for me that this really wasn't about me at all.  He didn't trade up for a better model.  He traded in for one who I suspect he believes will be a better caregiver and mom for him, one who will soothe his ego, regulate his emotions, and listen to his endless list of complaints.  Time will tell whether this new woman is willing to do that for him.

I was chatting with a friend at work this week about her in-laws and a bit about my former in-laws as there are many parallels.  And we were talking about all the traits, illnesses (physical and mental), etc. that seem to be passed down through the generations.  Whether there is a hereditary component or it is all environmental, it seems people so often fall into the same patterns and problems of their parents.  Although I do think we have a fair bit of control over our growth (if we choose to actually self-reflect and grow), we become more and more like our parents over the years.

His mom had an older brother and a younger sister.  I had a chance to get to know both over the years.  I also got a chance to briefly get to know his mom's mom in the early years of our marriage.  The apple didn't fall far from the tree with regard to any of them.  And I don't think my ex-husband fell far from that tree either.  I think I really dodged a bullet.  

I think about the way his uncle treated his aunt as they got older and she developed health problems.  I think about his mom's refusal to care for his dad.  I think about the way all three of them abandoned his mom in a nursing home.  And then I think about the fact that my ex-husband ran from his mom after his father passed away and most recently couldn't even stick around in the marriage he committed to when we weren't facing any real life challenges.

I am so much better off on my own, developing my own community, pouring into myself.  And as awful as this last year or so has been and how terribly he treated me, maybe this was the shake up I needed to get this clarity.