Doctor's appointment

I went in yesterday morning to establish care with a new gynecology provider.  It had been since just before the pandemic that I had my last annual exam.  I've had so many bad experiences with doctors that I find myself cycling in and out of compliance.  I know the value of preventative medical care which is what keeps me coming back to try again but the bad experiences simultaneously push me away.  My last Pap smear was with a provider who was not gentle, which because of my chronic pelvic pain, left me in pain for several days afterwards.

I should add that after I finally got the courage to schedule this one, my insurance got into a fight with my provider so for a while this summer, I wasn't sure if the appointment would even be covered which probably would have been enough for me to cancel it.  But at the last minute they signed a new three-year contract.

So with all that running through my head, I walked to my appointment yesterday morning and navigated the complicated building, ending up on the wrong floor before finally finding my doctor's check in and waiting area.  This time my appointment was with a nurse practitioner.  My one prior experience with a nurse practitioner many years ago was more positive so maybe that is why I so readily agreed to an NP for this appointment.

When she came into the room and asked about my pelvic floor pain, I explained that for most of my marriage intercourse had been painful.  I had been to many different doctors and specialists who could never determine the cause.  I then said that since my divorce last year, I had seen other improvements in my health.  And then I paused before I told her I wondered if my pain was caused by stress or anxiety from my marriage such that it might improve now that I'm divorced.  She told me she had seen many cases of that being true so it definitely is possible.

And then she did the exam.  She was gentle and she talked through what she was doing and checked in with me frequently to see how I was doing.  She was so pleasant and kind.  And although there was discomfort, there was not any pain.  And this morning, almost 24 hours later, I am still pain free.

This feels hopeful.  And it's really nice to be able to add a good doctor's experience to my memories.