Letting someone you love go

I signed the Marital Settlement Agreement this afternoon.  At first all I felt was numb, no emotions came at all.  I was a bit puzzled why not a single tear formed while I sat in my attorney's office.  As I left my attorney commented how very easy it was and my response was "it makes me wonder why we are divorcing."

Then I went to get spices and herbs to replace the ones I had left with my husband when we divided up the kitchen.  The lady at the counter commented that I must be stocking up.  And like I was just commenting on the weather I shared that I had just moved into my own place after separating from my husband and just came from my attorney's office.  I told her I didn't know how I felt.

Then I tried to do some clothes shopping but had absolutely no patience.  I wasn't finding what I wanted and I was shocked by the prices.  I walked out with just a set of pjs that were on clearance.  And then as I got in my car the e-mail came through from my attorney to my husband's attorney with my signed MSA.

And I said to myself, "letting go is the hardest thing when you love someone."  As I drove home I contemplated how this was my last act of love.  Whether he is right or wrong, this is what he felt he needed and maybe that is what matters most.

So I sent my husband this text, "Letting someone go is the hardest part of loving them.  I’ve signed the MSA and it has been e-mailed to your attorney where he will need to get your signature.  I also signed an Answer and Waiver of Testimony (standard document) which my attorney will file with the court once the MSA is filed.  I really hope you find what you are looking for."

My heart is still breaking but the time has come to let him go.  The tears are now flowing as the pain washes through me.  I think I should go for a walk and then figure out what it is that I need for myself tonight.