This is what I believe about marriage.

Based on conversations I have had with so many people I think this is an unpopular opinion.  But nevertheless, it is mine.  I believe that marriage is a life-long commitment.  I believe that it is a promise to grow together, laugh together, cry together, and work through some life's most challenging moments together.  I believe that it is a promise to have the hard conversations and speak up when things don't feel right.  I believe it is a promise to continually do all you can to bring your best self to the partnership and grow as a person but to also bring a lot of grace for both of you when you mess up because it will happen probably often.

I believe that it is a daily choice you promise to make to love another person even in those moments where you don't feel love.  Feelings will come and go but that conscious choice to love is something you can do every day.

I believe marriage is a promise that when the relationship gets off track (and it will sometimes), you will both put the effort in to create something better that works for both of you.  The relationship has to evolve just as the two people in it are evolving.  It will probably get re-created many times over the span of a lifetime.

That doesn't mean that divorce has no place.  There are times when abuse or addiction are present that can't be overcome.  But in my opinion, divorce shouldn't be used because you got bored or decided you prefer chocolate instead of vanilla.  It shouldn't be used because once feelings faded you decided not to make the choice to love.  When any of those things happen, you should be looking both inward and at the relationship and talking to your partner to see what needs tweaking, not looking elsewhere.

I don't believe that couples who are happily married after many decades got there because of some magical compatibility.  They got there because they believed in the commitment they made to one another and put the time into communicating and recreating the relationship over and over as the phases of their life changed to better meet their changing needs.  They consciously decided to grow together and choose love on a daily basis.

So it feels really empty to hear people constantly tell me that I will be better off without him, that I will grow into a happier and more fulfilled person.  I have no doubts that I will find my place, happiness, and fulfillment as a single adult.  But it doesn't change the fact that I would rather my husband had actually taken his commitment seriously.  I would rather he didn't just run away and instead fully stepped back into the relationship, working towards making it into what would better serve us.