Just this past spring when Paul was traveling so much for work, the nights started to get lonely. It was always nice to have a little time on my own and the quiet without the TV but eventually I started to miss him. I was under the delusion that our marriage was solid. I was under the delusion that we were working towards shared goals and this time apart for work was part of that. As much as I thought I knew him and think I still do, I was so ignorant to a certain piece of him that was unhappy.
Now, I have a night to myself and I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. It's hard to miss him on these short business trips when he hasn't really been present for me in the weeks before as we try to co-exist in the same space while separated. This doesn't even really feel like home anymore. I feel a bit like an invader in someone else's life.
I think it doesn't help how indifferent he acts. It's as if there is nothing at all awkward about all this for him as if this isn't all that difficult for him. I recognize that may just be a front he is putting on but it just creates such a disconnect for me.
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