He might become a real man

I talked to my therapist yesterday about the real conversation I had with my husband Sunday evening.  At one point in the conversation my therapist said to me, "he might become a real man".  My response was "I know."  I didn't say it out loud but I also thought to myself, "I hope he does."

I don't say that because I want to get back together with him.  I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed.  I say that because I still really care about him and I want nothing more than for him to experience what it feels like to be whole.

He has put me through so much hurt and pain.  And even in the relatively good times, I think there was an underlying energy that negatively affected me.  But I still believe he is a good man.  I think his heart has always been in the right place, it just wasn't capable of what I hoped for.  I think his intentions have always been good, he just didn't have the self-reflection to understand the effects of his actions.

Maybe this all sounds like making excuses for him but that is not what this is about.  He knows he has work to do on himself and he is taking action to do that work.  Regardless of his intentions or where his heart is, he is responsible for his actions and he is suffering the consequences of those actions.  He doesn't need excuses.  But he probably can use some grace and empathy.

I feel sad for what he has experienced and hope it will be the motivator for some healthy change into being a whole person.