We sat down and started talking numbers. We didn't come to any resolutions yet because we need to get a couple assets valued first but I guess at least we got the conversation started.
Because he seemed in a good mood, I tried one more time to express how painful it is to not understand why he wants to leave, just hoping I would get a better answer. He started with a response I hadn't heard before. He said he wanted a partner who shared more interests with him. I asked him what interests he had asked me to join him on that I declined. He said he wanted someone to play video games with (something he has never asked me to join him on) and someone to watch his kind of movies with (I get nightmares from horror films which is what he is referring to). Don't most people build a social circle so that they can tap into different interests with different people? Is it really fair to expect your partner to join you on every single one of your interests?
I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Throughout our marriage we have done so much together. No matter how hard I have encouraged him to venture out on his own, he hasn't. I joined a choir and I have been participating in a church separate from him. And although he would often join me for trips to gardens, I've made many of those trips solo too.
If he's looking for a woman who looks to him as a hero, doesn't question what he says, isn't too strong, matches his conflict style (which is avoidance), and wants to join him on every single one of his interests, he is going to find someone with even more unhealthy behaviors than he has.
So I didn't really get an answer to my question or maybe I did. Maybe he just isn't interested in creating a secure relationship. Maybe that kind of relationship is just too intimidating and so as I grew and became more secure, maybe I became more intimidating.
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