The hypocrisy of accusing me of never being on his side

My sister shared with me that my ex-husband used to make digs at me, mocking me, joking about something I did he didn’t agree with, and then turn to her or her husband to see if they would laugh or react.  She remembers noticing it most when we hosted in our own home in Wisconsin.  My parents don’t recall hearing the comments but my sister thinks that is because he never made them in their presence.  She said I normally would just ignore it so she never knew if I really heard what he said, thus never knew how to bring it up to me.  The example my sister gave was me pouring myself another glass of wine.

He is a non-drinker and I know he didn’t generally like me drinking.  There were times he actually got me to question whether I had a drinking problem but then I would do a dry January or something where I easily cut out all alcohol for an extended period.  And when it all went downhill fast starting early last summer, I lost all interest in alcohol and cut it out for about four months.  So I don’t think it was me.  And even if it was, passive-aggressive comments mocking me in front of others wasn’t appropriate at all.

Hearing my sister share this with me hurt.  It adds to all the ways he tried to control me or intrude on pleasures I was enjoying.  And it shows me how hypocritical he was to so constantly accuse me of never being on his side when he so actively took a stance that was opposite me.