New Shoes

I bought new shoes this weekend.  They are mustard yellow.  The color makes me smile.  And when I put them on at the shoe store and did my usual dancing and jumping to test them out, they felt perfect.

But when I put them on this morning, they reminded me of the last new shoes my ex-husband bought when we were together. This was last summer when things were rocky.  We had gone to the mall to check out the selection of Toys ‘R Us toys that had been added to one of the department stores since the closing of that toy store, a toy store he had so many fond memories of as a child.

And we somehow ended up in a shoe store.  They were red and not his normal style.  As he put them on, I just watched him.  I didn’t want to influence his thoughts on them.  And then he smiled real big.

At this point, I didn’t have a lot of optimism that we would make it as a couple but I couldn’t hold back my joy at seeing the pleasure on his face over something as simple as a pair of shoes.

And although there is a small pang of sadness that he didn’t reciprocate by finding joy in the things that gave me pleasure, I mostly feel a fondness in this memory.  It is such an incredibly simple way to give love that feeds both people so much.

And so although I’m really raising the standard for what I will accept in close relationships and now expect reciprocity for those in my inner circle, I don’t think I will ever tire of letting joy bubble out when I get to see others’ joy regardless of where that person fits in my life.