A reminder of who I am

One of today’s social media memories took my breath away and reminded me of who I am and who I have always been.  Even my ex-husband’s treatment of me didn’t take away this core of my essence - my ability and desire to seek out and soak in beauty and awe.  It is what sustains me.  It is where I find peace in even the most trying moments.  It is what makes my life so wonderful.  And it is the foundation I have built upon in this last year or so of immense transformation and growth.

From November 13, 2023

Early this morning (around 4:30 a.m.), the ship was really rocking and rolling and I couldn’t sleep anymore so I stepped outside onto my balcony.  Even with the navigation light at the front of the ship, my eyes were drawn to more stars than I had ever seen in my life.  Individual constellations were hard to make out, although being south of the equator, I'm not sure I would necessarily recognize them anyway.  The sight took my breath away.  

Then with the wind in my face, I focused forward into the pure blackness that we were cruising into.  I know with all the navigational tools that the Captain knew exactly where we were going but it felt like we were driving blind into the unknown.

A pair of what I believe were Swallow-tailed Gulls soared along side (I'll have to ask one of the naturalists later).  The clicking sound of their call was so distinct.  The way they soared and played in the darkness, the light reflecting white off them, was a bit mysterious and almost magical.

This trip so far has been full of moments, animals, landscapes, etc. that can be captured so well with my camera.  I am so delighted in the images I am getting.  But it is also filled with moments like these that can only be experienced and that leave an imprint on your soul.

I know I should be sleeping.  I have four excursions today.  But how can I sleep when I am surrounded by so much beauty and mystery, a place where I'm drawn to the stars, the sea, and the land?

And then I read my memory from last year on this day and although, I won’t quote the full post, there was an interesting parallel. It was a cold, windy, dark, rainy evening as I headed out to choir.  I only had a moment where I mumbled how miserable it was especially in the context of a very hard week (and year at that point).  And then I let the rain remind me of how much is beyond my control. That is when I noticed my bright pink rain jacket fit me nicely after the weight loss such that it even had room to keep my iPad dry.  And I wrote,

And then I let the rain pouring down on my face wash away all the anger, the disappointment, and the sadness.  And by the time I got to choir practice, I was ready to sing.

Interestingly, the walk home was dry. The moon started to peak out from behind the clouds. The city skyline was clear. There was a sense of peace within me.