It's not too early for Christmas!

Sometimes self-care is knowing when to stay in.  With the stress of everyone back Thursday and Friday at work, then a church hike yesterday, a heavy church service today (our sermon series is walking through the valley with today's topic being suicide), desperately needing groceries, and just overall feeling off, I knew the showing of Wicked at church was beyond my energy.  It would have been so much fun to go.  I was going to pick my favorite pink dress to wear.  The weather was gorgeous so the walk over would have been very nice.  But it would have taken energy I didn't have.

So instead I got my grocery shopping done.  And although I'm not sure I bought enough real food, I discovered Breyers dairy free ice cream made with oat milk in a full size container for the same price as the dairy versions!  I haven't bought ice cream since moving out because I just didn't want it enough to pay the exorbitant prices of dairy free versions.  I bought a small apple pie to go with it.  This apple pie is so good especially with the ice cream!  I never knew I liked apple pie this much!

And then when I got home, I ate lunch and took a nap before turning on a solo classical piano playlist I really like.  It has been playing for probably 4 or 5 hours now.  Sometimes it is quiet and soothing.  Other times the emotions build as the pace quickens and the dynamics increase.  The rise and fall is therapeutic.  

At a slow pace, with a lot of breaks to write or read, I've cleaned up the kitchen, done two loads of laundry, put new sheets on the bed, and pulled out my Christmas decorations.  I know it's early but I just don't care.  They bring me joy.  

My Grandma on my Dad's side made a beautiful Christmas lap quilt, tree skirt and stockings.  I think last year I only put out one stocking not wanting to remember they were made as a pair for me and my ex but this year, it feels like my life on its own is full enough for two!  

I set up the ceramic tree my Mom painted that still smells like my Grandma on her side and the perfume she used to wear because it was her tree for so many years.  I hung ornaments on my liquor cabinet (since I don't have a traditional tree), so many of them handmade by my Mom, my Grandma, my Dad, and by me, others that carry meaning from trips I've taken, places I've lived, and people I've known.  I discovered an angel I thought we had bought together that I especially liked actually had a date on a tag I had added from my first Christmas in college, which predates him so I hung that one prominently.

I got out the Holly bear.  My Grandma made the first Holly for my parents.  There's is a red bear (with holly on it of course).  Growing up, I insisted we keep it out year round.  My Grandma discovered how much I loved it that she then made me one (a green one, again with holly on it).  In my small space now, she gets put away the rest of the year, although maybe I should change that.

I even put out the snowman I made in elementary school that is made of a men's tube sock with a roll of toilet paper and a styrofoam ball stuffed inside to give it shape.  My parents joked about the "toilet paper snowman" growing up, although they always let me put it out.  My ex-husband hated it so I only brought it out the years I was willing to argue for it.

And then when it was all done, I texted a few photos to my choir friend, a 78 year old woman who I have really connected with.  I had been talking to her about my plans at church today.  She had hit her limit for the weekend as well and was hoping for a quiet afternoon and evening like mine.  I think we both got what we needed and I think we both enjoyed exchanging a few texts to check in on each other.

So now, I sit here at my kitchen table feeling the breeze come in through my patio doors, listening to the train as it at times drowns out the piano, writing this post, and feeling a sense of contentment.  I'm tired so will probably go to bed soon but I feel at peace.