My Threads feed is filled with Threads about the Tea App. It was an app designed to allow women to anonymously warn other women about abusive and unfaithful men they had dated. Whisper networks for women have always existed. They just used to be more local in your community. Now that dating has gone online, the dating pool is much larger and thus the community whisper network needs to be larger.
The latest news is that the app developer didn't secure the data it collected (women's selfies and driver's license) and didn't delete the data upon verification as they promised to do. And so someone found the data and has now started creating maps with faces and address of the woman who have signed up for this app. And it has even gone further where men are now rating women based on their selfie.
This has brought a lot of publicity to an app, few had heard of before this month and the amount of Threads from angry men upon learning about this app is overwhelming. Any suggestion in the comments for men to just treat women better doesn't go over well.
To be fair, AWDTSG (Are We Dating The Same Guy?) Facebook groups have been around for probably decades. Interestingly, they aren't getting the same attention right now.
I get how algorithms work. I also get how the loudest is not always representative. But even assuming there are good guys out there, how do you wade through men like this first to get to the good ones?
I've worked with victims of domestic abuse and so many of their stories start with what seemed like a perfectly good/innocent man. These women I worked with were smart women from all walks of life. And they weren't immune from the manipulations of poorly behaving men.
And that doesn't even include the group of men who may not be abusive but are solely focused on sex, emotionally unavailable, unhealed, unable and unwilling to communicate, etc. The horror stories I hear from women who have dipped their toes into dating are endless and most of the single women around me have given up.
Even when I heal enough to be able to trust again, how would I safely date? What would I have to put myself through to find a good partner who is compatible? What toll would that take on my mental health? How much energy would that drain? Would it even be worth it? Why can't men collectively just be better men? Why should women have to risk their lives and mental health to find a partner?
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