The start of my healing journey

A memory came up today on Facebook that reminded me of the strength I have found in myself going all the way back to the beginning of my healing journey.  I have come so far because I have consistently tapped into that strength and trusted myself when it came to knowing what I needed at any given moment.  I have balanced the practical with the emotional, the grief with the way forward.

So one year ago, just one and a half weeks after my ex-husband called it quits, I focused on pouring into me by getting in the car and driving to the beach.  I had already moved my stuff to the second bedroom and made that space my own (that was the practical first step) and then it was time to sit with my grief in the most healing place I knew.

There was a flock of Black Skimmers that were gracefully soaring over the water.  I captured a Willet in flight for the first time not realizing how incredibly beautiful their wings are when extended.  Dolphins jumped and played off in the distance.  I sat in the sand where the waves could rush over me.  I remember I first walked the beach with my camera and then I went back to my car to put it away so I could spend some time on the beach without that distraction.

This was the first trip I took where my ex-husband wasn't on the other side of a text message exchange and that felt really empty.  But I pivoted and reached out to my sister instead and she was more than willing to be the one on the other side of a text exchange.

And then I ate a real meal at a Mexican restaurant.  This was a time where I had zero appetite and getting myself to eat something each day was quite an accomplishment.  I still remember the waitress.  She seemed to be in tune with the fact that I needed both a little extra quiet and a little extra kindness.  We didn't talk any substance at all but I felt cared for in a way I didn't expect.  I think we often underestimate the effect of day-to-day interactions with strangers.  This was one of those interactions.