Raw emotions

I feel like the emotions are as raw as they were a year ago but with a layer of a year's worth of reflection and processing.  There are things I see today that I didn't see then that make it so much more painful.  And seeing him date again brings back all the memories of how I got attached in the first place but with hindsight of all the red flags I shouldn't have ignored.

In moments like this, no matter how much I remind myself of the chain reaction of decisions that made me who I am today, I wish he had just left me the fuck alone in the first place.

Maybe I'm finally releasing all the excuses that filled my head for why he hurt me.  Using words he told me as we were separating, he's "a grown ass adult", he's responsible for his behaviors.  He knew he was hurting me.  He knew he was being dishonest with me.  And yet he did it anyway.