The Ghost of Him

I'm starting to think my life cycles with the birds whether it be the Mourning Dove that cooed in warning in the courtyard or the Carolina Wren that was my daily companion in those early months in my own apartment or the Great Egret at the local park in recent days.

Late last week on my walk home, I paused at a beautiful Great Egret and its reflection in one of the ponds of the park that is part of my daily commute.  I shivered despite the July southern heat and humidity.  It felt like I was looking at a ghost.

Great Egrets are not common visitors to this park.  I've only seen one here once before that I can recall.  That was about a year ago during those first two weeks after my ex told me he was done, the two weeks he spent in his home state with his mom.  

We didn't communicate a lot those two weeks and only on practical matters.  The kiss emojis and check ins on how our days were going from the week before were gone.  (How could he have been sending me kiss emojis only five days before he called it quits?). But it all was so fresh those first two weeks while he was with his mom that constantly I picked up my phone to text him something I wanted to share with him only to close out the iMessage app before typing a word.  

There was one exception to that though - the arrival of a Great Egret at this park.  Before I could stop myself, I had uploaded a video of the Egret (and two Night Herons and a duck) and typed a short message.  I paused only long enough to add "Don't feel like you have to respond, just wanted to share" before I hit send.  This was the last birding sighting I shared with him.

He didn't respond until the next day when he said "I appreciate this video, it made me smile."  And then the topic turned to finances and attorneys.

I have walked past this Great Egret at least three times now since I first saw it late last week.  Every time, I feel his presence.  Every time, it's as if I'm encountering his ghost or maybe more accurately the ghost of the life we used to share.

I hope the Carolina Wren returns soon.  I miss her.