The training will culminate with the practical as it relates to my job, an interview that I will have to take a turn leading. But the content of the course really is just about life - communication, how we think and behave, how we react to situations, perceptions, reality, etc. It has really been quite fascinating.
One of this afternoon's sessions started with the concept of memory. The instructor started the discussion with the comment that we never actually experience reality-our perception is created. He then went on to talk about all the filtering that happens when we store a memory. We aren't storing a complete memory - just bits and pieces of it. And those bits and pieces of it are encoded through our other experiences and changed to fit our beliefs and values.
When we go to recall a memory into our working memory, we are pulling out those bits and pieces and then filling in the gaps to create what we think happened. Furthermore, each time we access that memory, it is re-encoded in the current context which changes it each time. If we access a bad memory when we are in a good mood, we may make it less miserable. If we access it when we are in a troubling space, we may make it more miserable. I imagine our understanding of the memory also changes as our context and perspectives change.
The instructor then went on to talk about how easy it is to create a false memory. He gave an example from his own life related to 9/11 and how he doubts the truth of a particular memory because the timeline doesn't fit.
He then transitioned into how easy it is for us to change the memory of someone we are interviewing through the questions we ask and the statements we make.
This whole discussion made me stop in my tracks. Reflecting on my personal life, I have found discrepancies between my memory of certain events and the way I described the event in journal entries from the time. My problem is that although I have always loved to write, I have never been a diligent or consistent journal writer and so I don't have written accounts of so much.
To add to that, as my ex-husband and I were separating, my recollection of so many things seemed so far off from the stories he was telling me. And that disconnect then made me start to question his accounting of other events where my memory was very fuzzy.
But then today's discussion added a whole additional layer to that-the filtering that happens immediately when we are deciding to store an event, the concept that we don't ever fully experience reality. Can I even fully trust my journal entries from the time?
But if I have been doing this filtering, recreating, etc., that also means my ex was doing the same. So how much of what I believed from his accounting is actually reality?
How do I process what happened in my marriage and separation if I don't even have a good grasp on what exactly happened?
I watched my ex-husband avoid any accountability by not doing any self-reflection to consider his role in our dynamics and by what I suspect was a re-writing of our narrative. I realize that is an extreme end of the spectrum but am I a fool to think I am remembering my behaviors with enough accuracy to really understand my role?
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