My marriage kept me in a safe place without a lot of desire to venture out. As an introvert, it felt really comfortable and nice. I didn't have to put myself out there if I didn't want to. I could stay home and enjoy the companionship of my husband.
But with that security and safety, I was too sheltered. I didn't grow in ways I should have. I didn't develop other relationships that are vital to a whole life.
And now..... I'm scared shitless as a woman in my 40s trying to navigate that world on my own and put myself out there over and over again. I am so incredibly proud of what I have done in the last few months but the fear each time doesn't go away.
A few weeks back I signed up for a Life Group at church. This is a group of 4-6 people that they put together for the purposes of getting to know each other, meeting regularly, and supporting each other in our life and faith journeys. To be randomly put with 5 other people I likely don't know is something I would have completely avoided in my earlier life. But I believed it was what I needed now at this phase in my life so I signed up.
Well, today the e-mail came - a list of the people who have been put in a group with me. There is one name on that list I recognize although I don't really know her very well at all. The other four I don't recognize at all. The anxiety and fear is a bit overwhelming. Several times I've started an e-mail to reach out to all of them but erased all my words. I won't let this hang past tomorrow but I think I just need to go to bed tonight.
Life is too short to avoid all the things that scare us but I think it's okay to take this at my own pace.
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