Grace and Empathy

I went back and read this blog from start to date yesterday.  With the divorce being final, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on how far I've come and where I'm at.

I was struck by some of the descriptions and phrases I used at how well they put me back in the moment or how well in retrospect they hit the nail on the head.  I've processed so much over the last three months and spent so much time reflecting to get where I'm at now.  I'm by no means done but I feel movement towards finding closure and starting to heal.

I was also surprised by how much grace and empathy I expressed towards my ex-husband throughout the entire three months.  It was probably one of the most consistent themes.  I don't feel bitterness.  I don't even feel resentment.  There's still plenty of anger and pain but I'm not holding on to it.  I'm moving through it and even in those lowest moments seeing the good.

I wonder if he realizes he is walking away from someone who is still giving him the benefit of the doubt and feeling empathy towards him even as he breaks my heart and treats me the way he has.  When I shared this with one of my friends today, she hesitated and then said that she doesn't intend this to be critical but she thinks I have been being too kind.