The real story - a small act of kindness (and some healing rain)

I walked to choir practice in the rain tonight.  As the water dripped down my hair and wind whirled around me, it couldn't have been a more perfect moment.  Rain washes everything fresh.  It's like a new start.  It brings new perspectives.  It slows me down as my scooter gets left back home and I pause in each puddle.  Laughter bubbles over in pure joy as I feel more alive than ever.

Tonight as I walked, my mind replayed the scene I had witnessed on my way home.  What fascinated me most was how my mind kept getting stuck on the huge friendly smile the maintenance man gave me.  In that moment I felt seen.  Someone witnessed my life and responded with encouragement.

I wonder what portion of my emotions that flowed through me as I returned to my apartment were in awe of that moment of feeling seen vs the actual scene I witnessed.  I remember in the early days, the tears would flow most freely at the kind, loving responses I got from my friends and family, more so than at the actual pain I was experiencing.  That is when I realized it can be hard to tease out the positive and negative emotions amidst overwhelming feelings.  They all get so deeply intertwined.

This is not to minimize the pain I experienced today.  He still affects me in unfortunate ways.  But maybe this one hit me harder because I was overwhelmed with a mix of emotions.