I thought I initially had that in my ex-husband but then I started to see how irritated he got when my thoughts didn't perfectly align with his. He would get defensive when I just wanted dialogue. He would hear my curiosity on differences of opinion as criticism. (And no, it didn't matter the tone I used or the words I chose - I spent too many years trying to communicate better with him with absolutely no success because the problem still existed as to what he was willing to hear and how he was willing to interpret it.)
By the end, he didn't even want to hear anything I had to say on politics, current events, or anything really. As we separated, he made comments that made me think he wanted me to just let him do all the thinking and blindly accept his thoughts and decisions on everything, something about feeling emasculated when I didn't. I suppose I wasn't as easy to manipulate when I had a mind of my own.
So years ago, when I realized he wasn't going to be that type of companion, I first turned to the comments section of the Washington Post. Then I lost that subscription and eventually turned to Threads but now I'm four weeks into a social media break, not that any of those online platforms truly can replace the human conversation I crave. I can only imagine what it would be like to be with someone who valued my mind.
So as I sip my coffee and peruse headlines, I kind of wish there was someone sitting at this kitchen table with me to talk about them. I guess that is kind of ironic since in the later years of my marriage, I reclaimed my morning coffee time as quiet time away from my ex-husband and here I am wishing there was someone to share it with.
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