Sleep, a sign of finding some peace, at least for the moment

Two nights in a row, I slept through the night, not even with my typical 3am wake up to use the toilet.  Each morning I woke up for the first (and last) time around 5:00 a.m. which is the rhythm my body had gotten into since the separation.

What a contrast that was from the weeks leading up to this weekend where I seemed to wake every couple of hours.  I even had one night last week where I was repeating the same dream every time I fell asleep that predicted the trajectory of the entire night and every wake up to the correct time.  It was like a ground hogs day scenario in my dreams that became reality.

But back to this weekend, I feel rested.  I'm not even sore from my long walk yesterday.  It isn't even 8am yet and I've enjoyed my coffee and breakfast and the bathroom has been cleaned.  There is a sense of peace in this morning.

Friday night, I spent several hours people watching as I sipped wine in a wine garden downtown.  I recognized and appreciated the unrushed way of authentic life and wrote a few lines in my journal reflecting that.

leaves wave in the breeze

bright yellow chairs fill the space

laughter rises over music

life trickles in

Yesterday, I stopped in at my favorite restaurant for a drink and chocolate cake.  In that space, I realized how full my life is with some of the greatest pleasures like chocolate cake, positivity, and people who know my name.  I pour into me (and the things I love like chocolate cake and a glass of wine in a wine garden).  I no longer have a shadow pointing out everything wrong with the world around me so can focus on the joys and positive things in life.  And the energy I have because of all I'm doing to pour into me leaves space for reciprocal connections with so many different people.

Then my parents called me last night.  The sun had set here but it was mid-afternoon where they cruised out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, several species of Albatross following their ship.  Although, they had talked about trying out wifi calling, I wasn't sure I would hear from them during their 32 day journey, which I knew would feel like a long time.  There aren't words to express the gratitude I feel for the ways our relationships have grown and the ways they have supported me over the last 18 months.

Oh, and there was a Penske truck parked near my ex-husband's side of the building yesterday and I noticed the rest of the stuff on his balcony disappeared at some point during the day.  I didn't run into him so I don't know for sure it was his but I felt a bit of hope that maybe he would finally be gone.

So with all of those amazing positive, I slept peacefully and restfully.