What did he add to my life?

What if my trying to figure out his insecure attachment style (avoidant? disorganized?) as an attempt to understand became an excuse and he really just is a self-absorbed asshole who avoids accountability and never grew up?  What if he just uses people to get the attention and validation he craves like a small child manipulates those around them?  Maybe it's really that simple.

Does the why behind his behavior really matter when we are talking about someone who has made it into his forties without bothering to consider how his behavior affects others and work to minimize the harm he causes others?

I understand he had a shit childhood and still has a toxic relationship with his mom but that doesn't mean everyone who tries to love him deserves to suffer.  At some point he needs to grow up and deal with his shit.

I'm a bit angry both at him and myself - him for making my life so much harder for the last two decades (which ironically worked against himself as well) and me for not reflecting enough to see how it was so negatively affecting me.  

I've now got a year under my belt of doing life on my own and I have yet to find an area of my single life that isn't improved upon from what I experienced in my marriage.  

• My finances are in better shape (yes, with significantly less income!).  
• My health is improved.  
• I actually have a comfort level with my car.  
• I get to feel and experience my own emotions.  
• My energy level is through the roof.  
• My joy abounds on a daily basis.  
• I can hear myself think.
• My community has gone from barely existent to constantly expanding and thriving.
• My travel plans are more focused.
• My values are more clearly reflected in my actions.
• I'm proactively acting on bigger career goals for myself instead of reacting to whatever fit with his career goals.

What the hell did he add to my life?  All I can see right now are the ways he stood in the way.  Have I just reached the point of bitter ex?  I hope not.

I just think it is so messed up that after 19 years of marriage someone can just announce to their spouse that they haven't been happy for a long time although they never brought it up before and can't really explain why.  Nothing I could have done would deserve an ending like that.  My expectation that spouses owe each other more communication than that is a bare minimum expectation of a marriage.  Maybe that was my wake up call to what a shit husband he was.