My Husband Costed a Lot of Money

I'm going to talk about the taboo topic of money.  And I preface this by saying I know I am privileged to have a decent paying job that takes away the worries so many have.  But money at whatever level is still a worry when you first separate after enjoying the benefits of a dual income household.  

I'm coming up on 12 months of managing my own finances.  I've got a head for numbers, had done our joint taxes a number of times in the early years of our marriage, and stayed aware of our finances despite letting him do most of the managing.  So I wasn't overly worried about taking on this task by myself.  

But I was a little worried about how far my salary would go alone.  My salary made up only about 37% of our combined income.  And living together allows you to share so many expenses so I knew my costs would be far more than half what we were currently paying.

So as I do every month especially, I go over what I spent and earned, what I have left over, and make decisions about whether to move money anywhere to maximize interest I could be earning and be prepared for the first of the month expenses.  And I often use this time to think further and do longer-range planning.

I've been learning about high yield savings accounts, making sure I understand the funds my retirement and HSA are invested in, and this week's research has been into mutual funds in non-tax deferred investments as I think through my entire saving, investing, and spending plan.  It's all quite fascinating and empowering.  I'm really learning a lot about myself through the process.  And I am amazed at how far my money goes when it is budgeted and managed in line with my values alone.

What makes me really pause though is that what I have accomplished in the last year would not have been possible with the amount of money we were spending on cars and with the way he was managing things.  He was more expensive than I ever thought he was.  And it's not that I didn't realize we were throwing a lot of money away to change cars so frequently.  I knew that.  I just didn't quite understand the extent to which it was affecting our bottom line.  

I also am seeing now that despite his degree in accounting, he didn't have the vision to make the most of our money.  He was responsible with money.  He never spent more than we had.  We both prioritized retirement so didn't cut corners there.  So I never had any complaints while we were together.  But I realize now that he wasn't looking at the bigger picture.

It makes me further question the imbalance in our relationship, although more on a curiosity level at this point.  I don't think any real harm came from this specific imbalance or his lack of vision.  And being able to see it so clearly now along side my incredible success on my own this past year boosts my confidence in a way it otherwise wouldn't have and makes me so much more excited to see what I can do with my future.