An evening in the park

I walked through my favorite park well after the sun had set tonight.  My therapy bench was empty and has a beautiful view of the city lights and their reflection in the pod.  A couple sits together on a blanket with a candle.  A man sits alone under a street light with a journal.  Some has hung a hammock between two trees.  Several dogs walk their owners.  A train rattles on the tracks as it passes by.  The announcer for the minor league playoff game can be heard along with a cheering crowd at times.  A heron squawks in a nearby tree.  The air is still heavy from the lat summer heat.

There is a quiet within me, an acceptance of where I might be headed with a bit of impatience as I wait for it to unfold.  I still feel a pull towards my ex-husband and a desire to know what he is up to but a welcome distance from it all.  If he is repeating his patterns, I expect he is in the dopamine filled stage of dating where he thinks he found the one and she thinks he is the greatest man she ever met.  

That was a fun stage of my life.  Yet I have no desire to go back because I now know what follows.

I think about my new future. Today I stood in a colleague’s office who casually mentioned he had heard I might be moving on to something else. I panicked a moment because I had not shared with him my opportunity and so came the realization that it was spreading further than I wanted.  But then he wished me well and encouraged me if this was a good move for me and that made me smile as a rush of feelings washed over me.  I have made it to the point where this opportunity now feels completely right.  I hope I haven’t gotten my hopes up too much in case it falls through but even my Dad said something last week about how this might be really good for me.

A breeze rushes through my hair rustling the leaves in the tree above me which brings me back to this space, this beautiful park which has become my calm, my grounding, my perspective over the last 16 months.  Maybe it’s time to find a new space.  Maybe it’s time to let go.