Comparing the move south to this move to Atlanta

I was reminded that eight years ago I was in Birmingham for the first time.  It's interesting to juxtapose who I was in that moment with the me that has now just spent her first three weeks in a whole new state completely solo.

I had been applying to jobs in cities across the south, mostly in cities I had never visited before.  I thought we were looking to escape the cold winters of the north but in hindsight I realize we were running from his mom.  I think deep down I knew that even in the moment.  I think I naively believed that distance would help the triangulation that was doing so much damage to our marriage.  For anyone reading this in a similar situation, it didn't help.  The uncut umbilical cord stretched across the country.  As I type that I realize what an incredible visualization that is.

Bur I was hopeful for a number of reasons.  We toured apartments.  We spent a couple nights in the suburbs and a couple nights right downtown.  And I interviewed for a different job than I would ultimately get.  While we were here, the job I actually wanted and would eventually obtain was posted so I remember spending some time in the hotel submitting my application.  I really liked the city going all the way back to that first visit.

I think there were doubts too that I tried to keep buried.  We had been in couple's counseling for some time before this.  And although he had convinced me that things were better, in hindsight I realize we never actually worked on the real issues of our marriage.  He wasn't open to any real reflection so me making myself smaller to fit what he was willing and capable of was all we truly accomplished.

But I believed a move would be good.  

Ultimately, that move didn't go so smoothly.  There were hiccups with the closing, hiccups with the storage unit we rented, movers that damaged our furniture, weather, etc.  And although I recall some excitement about a change of scenery, it was just another move in my mind.  We had done it multiple times before.  This wasn't the first time we were moving states although it was the farther we had gone.

Fast forward to today and the beaming smile on my face as I was handed my Georgia license plate.  I've been here three weeks and the high hasn't worn off yet, it's not even starting to fade.  I still pinch myself to make sure it is real.  I pull out the new driver's license that arrived this week to convince myself I'm really here.  And everything about this move has gone so incredibly smoothly.

And I'm enjoying every second of it all.  I have confidence.  I'm doing it all on my own!  I'm not just surviving, I'm thriving.  I'm no longer wandering aimlessly trying to fit into someone else's world.  I'm building my own world made just for me.  I finally matter.  And I love the person I've finally let loose, the woman who had been buried deep inside of me.