When I get really frustrated and struggle with successfully doing something I want to do, tears well up in my eyes and I lose clarity, both of which are very counterproductive. But there is such a stubbornness in me that refuses to give up so I keep trying, even though the fog of frustration often means I continue to stumble. I get stuck in my head in a way that is hard to shake.
It doesn't happen with every challenge. I think it's times when my mindset isn't in the right place for such a challenge - the perfect storm.
Tonight as I stood in the middle of my African Rhythms class, the drums beating, people's feet moving and arms swaying around me, I couldn't make sense of the movements and so my feet stayed stuck. Eventually, I forced them to do something as I stumbled to follow.
In a break, the instructor asked each of us how we were feeling. I admitted I was feeling "a bit more lost today." She encouraged us all to just focus on the feet and keep the arms steady, if we were struggling - one thing at a time. And then she focused extra encouragement my direction and danced along side me as my line made its way forward.
All evening, I wavered between stumbling and then finding a move I felt more confident in and then stumbling again. Every time my line came to the front, I tried to see it as a new start.
I never gave up. I made it through the entire class. But I was disappointed as I walked out, in the way my head interfered with the normal de-stressing effect of giving into the rhythms and movements of my body.
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