I started this 1000 piece puzzle on February 15, almost two months ago. It's been sitting there so long, there is a thin layer of pollen that has covered it and been stirred up over it. With how much I keep my windows open, my entire apartment has a thin layer of pollen everywhere. Maybe this wasn't the best season to work on a puzzle. Although, I probably fully expected to finish it before pollen season began.
It's really hard. The pond and her hair went fairly quickly. But what's left is various shades of green with irregular puzzle piece shapes. I often only find one or two pieces to place each day. I feel stuck. I want my kitchen table back. But I can't bring myself to give up. I also can't get myself to sit at it long enough to make any real progress.
It's this daily reminder of a challenge that feels like something I can't overcome. It's an image from Atlanta, a reminder of the months I have been waiting on the job I want, a reminder of the puzzle pieces I'm still waiting to fall into place. Maybe that's why I can't give up.
I feel like there are so many aspects of my life where I'm just stuck in this waiting pattern, waiting for the last puzzle pieces to fall in place - waiting to start a new chapter in a new city, waiting for the intrusive thoughts about my marriage and ex-husband to fade away as I continue to heal, waiting for the next shoe to drop at my office as we continue our time of transition, waiting for the migratory birds to arrive and the herons to nest and hatch babies, etc.
So this unfinished puzzle of the Earth Goddess at the Atlanta Botanical Garden just feels symbolic. I'm tired of feeling stuck and I'm tired of looking at it.
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